Not in the "bad things happening to good people" sort of depressing, but in the "I don't know what I'm doing, I don't care what I'm doing, what's in the fridge and/or on TV" kind of depressing. I've grown accustom to those kinds of years and have made my peace with them. Twelve months is a long time to be floating in purgatory, but some people like the view so much they can spend a lifetime there.
Not me.
Not usually.
I like the idea of stopping for a while for a recharge, but that doesn't really seem to work well. It becomes more of a slow drain than anything else.
I was working with a sound engineer many years ago who had done studies on battery life. He had created a battery life chart that shows how each individual battery type operates and compares to one another.
The pure winner was Duracel. It displayed the perfect time vs power curve. As the battery was in use it slowly lost power.
The clear loser was Energizer. It would begin at full charge and then the power of the battery would quickly sink to the bottom of the scale and it would hold that power for long periods of time. Hence, Energizer may go for a quite a wile, but only if you're a cymbal playing bunny and not a 34 year old with ambition.
2010 was an Energizer year. Out of the gate chomping on the bit, and then a dismal drop in enthusiasm, and a twelve month crawl of apathy.
So here I am again. Chomping at the bit. I make no promises, but disappointment has now turned into anger, frustration into fury, apathy into determination.
A little exercise, a little writing, a little rehearsing, and a little bit watching my belly fat jiggle when I brush my teeth, and maybe I'll wake up this time next year with a sense of myself again.
Oh, and Taylor turns 18 today.
I've been saving boxes.
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