a tough act to follow

It occured to me today that it has been almost two weeks since my last post.

how the hell is anyone going to be able to follow along if there's nothing to follow?

so let me explain,

no wait, we haven't got much time

let me sum up

I posted "Only Hope" on myspace (www.myspace.com/joshmacrae)

For new readers this is the song about how my son is out growing his love of music and how devistated I am by that.

Wrote a blog about how much of a pain in the ass copywriting can be.

Then I learned how unbeleivably easy it has become and felt really stupid.

Gotta call from Liz (my brother's better half). She wants me to play on thursday nights at the pub she is working at.

Crap.

This is where the last few weeks get complicated. First, I am overwhelmed by stage fright. Even saying the word "Thursday" makes me feel woozy and punch drunk.

Second, I am so out of shape physically that I immediatley go for a run and hurt my knee.

Third, working on a set with my 12 string, I totally hurt something in my elbow and both wrists.

My voice is weak, I can't remember how to support my breathing. (Oh and I probably smoke and drink too much).

Then I really start to panic.

What keeps me awake at night isn't fear of total failure. I've worked for many years. I'm not a live performance master, but I do know how to do it. I have the muscle memory, and anything I lack is probably gonna be covered by the adrenaline. I know that there isn't anyone out there right now who is doing what I do, so I'm not worried that I 'll be a total knockoff. The songs on my list are good, not cool, but good.

No what I'm really worried about is that I'll like it.

Not just like it,

love it.

Love it so much that it will become necessary to address the fact that one can't have it all.

It's not my fears that fill me with fear, it's my dreams.

But when it all comes down to it, I haven't been blogging.

and no one can follow along

and that makes it tough to care.