Let the Rain

I have a rule when I'm writing.

I don't listen to music.

The reason I don't listen to music is because the part of my brain, the sub-conscience ether if you will, is both a thief and a liar. He's a bit of a drunk too. Not only that, but he's prone to a light depressive state that is very much like apathy with a little self doubt thrown in.

Yeah, I've been listening to a lot of music lately.

New stuff, old stuff, pop/indie/classical stuff.

I've been watching a lot of TV too.

TV has music.

And plot.

Sometimes.

I've also been playing a lot of solitaire on my iPhone.

I selected not to share my solitaire scores with friends online.

Cause that just seems sad to me.

I've been reading new books and rereading old books. My wife thinks its a little weird that I would reread a book, but she can't remember anything about a book that she read last week, so maybe she rereads books all the time and just doesn't know it.

I guess the point I've been dancing around is that I've broken my rule. And I've become a vegetable.

Not even a good healthy vegetable like broccoli or leafy greens. More like celery. Salty and void of calories.

I have become the artistic version of celery.

And from the chub of belly hanging over my jeans I can guess that I've been in the crisper way too long.

I'm not even good enough for soup at this point.

I have become so accustom to this post summer time malaise that I haven't even bothered to fight it much this year. May through October seems to be one hell of a commercial break, but so what?

I think the music writing phase is just about over. There's one more song to write, and a few scraps to finish or throw away or incorporate somewhere else. And this new chapter will essentially be the one I have dreaded. I have to record.

I'm just not sure how I want to do it this time. I've heard so much music that I want to steal and make my own.

But I also don't want to have anything to do with the next part. I want to give it all over to someone else. But I can't afford it. And it can't just be anyone. It has to be someone who can make the whole thing sound cool. Sure I could spend $10,000 bucks and have a highly polished piece, but I'm concerned that my songwriting needs edge in order not to sound like a Neil Diamond knockoff.

Producers with edge might find me trite. Producers with polish might find me uncommercial. I could do all of it. I could do some of it and farm out the rest. I could enlist the help of friends. I could even ask my wife.

I just don't know.

And I don't want to think about it while there are still three more episodes of 30rock Season 4 that I haven't watched.

But today it rains.

And it's time to emerge from my creative red tent and get cooking again.